Top of the World...

I have visited few cities in my life so far. None of those cities created any remarkable impression in my mind. But the city of Udaipur, which has sobriquets like ‘ city of Lakes’ , ‘Venice of the East’ and ‘ Kashmir of Rajasthan’, stole my heart on the very first day of my visit. Unlike many crowded cities in our country Udaipur stands out as a city with manageable traffic on the road and it gives a feeling that you have landed yourself in the middle of a hill station. The sight of Aravalli ranges deceives you with that notion too. Though Udaipur is not boastfully large it does hold most of the romance and flavor of Rajasthan. It hosts the largest palace complexes on the banks of Lake Pichola, one of the cities four lakes. This afternoon we had planned our trip to Lake Pichola and Doodh Talai , a hill with an attraction of cable car connecting Karni Mata Mandir atop another hill, that is Machhala Hills.

Doodh Talai hills has a garden and also houses a restaurant which serves the tourist while they wait for their turn to move onto the cable car. The distance traveled in the cable car is about 400 meters only. But the breathtaking view on either side will keep you spellbound. On your right side you can have the panoramic view of the Lake Pichola and on the right side one can see the valley between the ranges through which a structure like fortress runs through. The fortress wall reminds you of the Great Wall of China. As you set your foot on the Machhala hill the view engulfs you for a minute. You will decide to stay there for as long as you can. If you have passion for photography just consider yourself to be on the right place. The spectacular view of the city from the hill would give you a great joy. While the structure Jag Mandir and Taj Lake palace that rises from the Waters of Lake Pichhola would really amuse you as they are world famous luxury heritage hotels. And to top it all to view the scenic beauty of city palace which has the state’s largest palace complexes from top of the hill are royally pulsating. This place is also called the Sunset point. To watch the sun go down from behind the Aravalli ranges painting a crimson shade on the waters of the lake is indeed a gift that gets unwrapped everyday.

No matter how much we have advanced scientifically the nature has a way of telling us that nothing gives us joy and pleasure as much as it does. A sense of serenity and satisfaction overwhelms as you slowly start to walk down the hill.

Penning down Success

Well, we all look forward to a change in our lives. We seek this change from the past, as we slowly tread in to the future which is far from certainty. You yearn for it whether you are displeased or contented with your present. But whatever, I don’t think its clichéd to say change is the most constant thing on earth. Yes, it is inevitable. But wouldn’t this change be a celebrated one if it could take you to a new future that you always wanted for yourself. Right now my position is such that I am on the verge of dissolving into that much sought-after change. A change from a past that was once inescapable and overflowing with monotony and the macabre of failure.

I owe this change to my success in civil service exams which has taken four grueling years of my life. They say aim for the sky so at least you’ll land on roof-top. That is exactly the kind of success I have attained at this juncture of my journey to which I bought a ticket way back at a time when I was a little boy. I do not want to drive in to you a feeling that I unwelcome this success though I was unsatisfied to see my name at the back-end of the rank list. Yes , I was placed at 700th rank out of the total selection of 875. It took me a while to realize that I have not lost it altogether. It gave me more strength when I gathered that I could make into a service which was only my fourth preference after IAS, IFS and IPS. The aura of success was slowly starting to envelop me.

This is indeed a change for me. Success, instead of failure. Though the change is not going to be a sudden one like it always is. Because I am not ushered into the new future in a blink of an eye but I am only crawling into it. The reason is I have an unfinished agenda and my destination is still to go. The journey will have to go on. Yes, I need to give the exams again to realize my long cherished ambition. Reach the sky I must. Of course, the change is sure to occur though I may have to carry the burden of my past in to the new future. But I just feel that the burden has shed some of its weight. And the change has definitely brought lot of joy into my life and the lives of my loved ones. Hey Change!! I welcome you with open arms and embrace you. And I kiss the success gently with a heart wanting more.

Yet another chance...

Well, I have taken a long leave of absence as far as IAS interview is concerned. Last time I appeared in 2007. Of course , its not an annual festival you pay visit to every year. But rather, in a more clichéd term, a life time opportunity. Here I was, at it again. My interview was dated 31st of March, 2010.

In a band o f five candidates to be interviewed by a board, I was the first to be let in. It was an hot afternoon, around 2.45. The board was Prof. Purushottam Agarwal.

Here goes the transcript:…

Entered the hall and wished everyone. There was a lady member in the panel.

Chairman: (CM) You are Guganesan?
Me: Yes Sir.
CM: You have a very interesting hobby. Watching Hollywood movies and noting down memorable dialogues. Not many people would have that hobby. Can you give me one dialogue?
Me: Yes Sir. This is from a movie called “The Bucket List” .You measure yourself by the people who measure themselves by you. ( . There is instant laughter from one of the panel members. I started explaining by saying, What I learn from this is….then chairman gestured no need for that)
CM: The movie is Bucket list? Is it a new movie?
Me: Yes Sir. It was released in the year 2007.
CM: Do you watch classical movies?
Me: No Sir. I don’t watch Classical movies. I only watch movies released in 1980s and 90s. But I would include Godfather.
CM: But Godfather is not classical. It was released sometime in 70s.
Me: Yes Sir. It was released in 1972.
CM: Can you give me one dialogue from Godfather? ( He mentioned a dialogue which he felt is widely quoted and asked me to say anything other than that. But I could not quite get what he said)
Me: A man is no man when he does not spend time with his family. I learn some family values from this, sir. It is important for one to spend time with their family.
CM: Oh, You learn family values from Godfather?
Me: Yes Sir. It depends on how one takes it. It talks about how we should relate in a family. It shows relationship between father and son.
CM: (as he kept laughing) Yes it tells you how to deal with your Son-in-law. When Michael’s sister cries , he goes beats him up.
Me: Yes that is true. But it depends on how we see it.
CM: Of Course, it is very much a family value. It means you take good care of your sister.
Me: Yes sir ( and smiled at him)
CM: Now talking about family values. It is all changing now. Joint family has become nuclear family now. Personally, which one do you prefer?
Me: Sir , I prefer Nuclear family. Because I would want my Son and Daughter to grow with their grandparents and learn good values from them. (Without realizing my mistake)
CM: You mean you prefer Joint family.
Me: (realizing my mistake and got little disturbed) Sorry Sir. What I meant is Joint Family.
CM: Its ok. Be relaxed. But in a joint family you have chachas and chahis and Tau..You understand Chacha and Tau…(I nodded my head saying I Understand Hindi, Sir)You have to listen to them also. You lose your personal space. What do you think?
Me: Sir here Uncle Should know that it is not good to interfere in the personal affairs of his nephew or niece. Everyone should have some family values.
CM: You know these days you have pension schemes and retirement plans. You must have seem HDFC plan ad. I don’t know what they say in tamil. In hind it says, “ Sar utake jiyo” …raise your head and live. Father does not want to depend on son. They want to take care of themselves. What do you think?
Me: Yes sir. Those plans are for ensuring regular income in the future. But parents get old. They can not take care themselves. Children should take care of them. And it is father’s value that he should not be dependent on son. But a son should have a value that he would take good care of this parents.
CM: Talking about this issue, recently there was a law passed regarding this. Do you know that law?
Me: Yes sir. It was 2 or 3 years back. It is called Old age Protection Act.
CM: What does it say?
Me: It makes it a duty on the part of the children to take care of their parents. And parents feel that they are not being taken care of by their children, it can be legally enforced. They can deny property rights to children. Law of inheritance do not apply by default here.
CM: Why should government regulate that? It is a personal affair in a family.
Me: Yes it is a personal affair. But government has to enact such laws. The concept of geriatric care is important. Children should take care of their parents. Government has to control population. This is one such measure. Many family would have to take care of their parents. So in order to cut down expenditure they will have one child instead of two children. It is good for the country, Sir.
CM: Is there any other law that deals with such family issues? Like laws protecting women.
Me: Yes sir. We have Dowry prohibition Act and there is a recent law passed. I am not able to recollect the title of the law. It gives protection to women against members within the family.
CM: Domestic Violence Act.
Me: Yes sir. Domestic Violence Act.
CM: State is enacting so many laws. Listen to this carefully. It is a serious issue. There is an observation made by the sociologist. State would only become too powerful by enacting too many laws. What is your view?
Me: Yes it is true. But State should enact such laws to inculcate values in society. At the same time they have to balance between state’s responsibility and one’s personal affairs.
CM: Recently Supreme Court made an observation that there is one law that is being used too much. Supreme Court pulled up some police officials and there was a lady involved in a case. Are you aware of any such thing?
Me: I’m sorry Sir. I have not come across any such thing .
Chairman now pointed to the member to his left. He Started asking questions.
Member 1(M1) : So you are a chartered Accountant . From the Balance sheet, how do you judge the values of a company?
Me: We can ascertain that from the networth of the company. And if the company is listed we can also make use of EPS i.e earning per share and P/E ratio. i.e Price earnings ratio.
M1: How do you find out P/E ratio?
Me: The formula for P/E ratio is MPS divided by EPS. MPS market price can be readily available. EPS is calculated by taking profit from the P & L account and dividing it by Number of shares.
M1: Suppose you are my financial advisor. There is a company with a P/E ratio of 7 and there is a company with a P/E ratio of 20. which is a good company?
Me: The company with a P/E ratio of 20 is a good company.
M1: Are you saying a company in which I have to pay twenty times more to earn Re.1 is a good company.?
Me: No Sir. We should not see it that way. High P/E ratio indicates the confidence that investors have placed on the company. It also conveys the future growth potential of the company. Also we should not see the returns in terms of dividend alone. We should also look at the capital appreciation that the company is providing.
M1: Ok. Now suppose there is a company with a P/E ratio of 20 and another company with 40. which is a better company?
Me: Sir, company with P/E ratio of 20 is still a better company. Because very high P/E ratio also could mean that shares are overvalued. So we should balance between low P/E ratio of 7 and high ratio of 40.
M1: Suppose instead of 40 if I give you 15. Between 15 and 20, which one you will choose?
Me: In that case we will have to look into other parameters also. We should compare the growth potential of the companies.
M1:Okay now, considering one economy as a company, like they say India Inc., what are the basis which you can use to judge?
Me: Sir, the first one would be GDP, Tax-GDP ratio , Fiscal deficit, Debt-GDP ratio. These are the parameters to judge the economy.
M1: But going by you parameters, and taking USA. There is nothing good except GDP. It has got highest amount of debt and very high Fiscal deficit.
Me: I was taking from India’s point of view. But as far as USA is concerned the debt and fiscal deficit is largely due to economic recession.
M1: No no….leave this last two years. Even for the last 20-25 years USA has been having huge debt. (Chairman also joined in Supporting him and the said M1 is economist)
Me: I’m sorry I was under the impression that USA’s deficit is largely due to recession.
M1: Now in spite of so much of debt why USA is considered as the powerful economy?
Me: Sir, this is largely due to their high GDP. USA’s dollar is almost considered as the world currency. And their companies are performing well and they have their presence all over the world.
M1: Now tell me broadly what should the economy focus on ?
Me: Sir , an economy should focus on increasing its tax revenue and at the same time it should focus on the social sector needs of the economy. ( Chairman reacted to this positively)
M1: Can the economy have a very high tax rate and very low spending?
Me: No Sir. Too much of high tax rate and low spending is not good for the economy . it should balance between the two. It is very important that social sector needs are fulfilled
M1: Now consider Tata-corrus. And Bharti is buying assets in Africa. Leaving out whats in it for Tatas and Bharti, tell me what is in it for the Indian economy.
Me: Sir, it will bring in new technologies for India.
M1: What is the technology involved in mobile company and there is nothing we can learn from Africa?
Me: Sir, Mobile services are picking up. Selling mobile services needs lot of marketing strategies. We can learn marketing strategies from them.
M1: But don’t you think $10 billion is little costly for marketing strategies.
(Chairman interrupted by saying Bharti can very well send some research team to learn the marketing strategy) Other than that what else is good for the economy.
Me: (I was thinking hard) Sir, It will enhance the tax revenue for the country.
M1: Yor are also a tax expert (he said that since I was a CA). Tell me how it will increase tax revenue. Bharti is in India. The other company is Africa.
Me: Sir, Under Income tax law the taxation is based on residential status. Bharti is a Resident company. And if the African company is controlled and managed from India, it will also be considered as resident. In this case the control lies in India. So it will be taxed in India.
(Member 1 nodded to that and passed on to the next member)

Member 2: Tell me is India a oil producing company or oil recipient company?
Me: Sir, India is oil receiving company. India imports 75% of its oil requirements from abroad.
M2: Yeah, that’s what I wanted to know. Now tell me how we can reduce this dependence on foreign countries?
Me: Sir. Many Indian oil companies like ONGC are investing in oil well abroad. We should invest more in oil-rich countries. We should also focus on non-conventional energy resources like solar energy and wind energy.
M2: But non-conventional is a long term measure.
Me: Yes Sir. But India is already making progress. India has become the third largest wind energy producer.
M2: But suggest some short term measure.
Me: Sir, recently many oil companies like ONGC and others demanded RBI for Forex reserves for buying assets abroad. That is a good measure. We can follow that.
(M2 signaled that he is done. Chairman pointed to the lady member to proceed)

Member 3: Guganesan, tell me you have done your B.com, M.com and then C.A. Chartered Accountants are paid well and they are all well off. Why do you want to join civil service?
Me: Madam, I had the desire to join civil service even before I decided to do CA. It started as a childhood ambition and later I was inspired by an IAS officer. She always told me that civil service is a good career and is all about to public service and one can cater to the needs of the society. That’s why I chose civil service.
CM: What is that officer’s name?
Me: Sir, her name is Mrs. Sabitha IAS.
M3: Where is she now?
Me: She is posted as Managing Director in Tansia in Chennai.
M3: Ok. Now tell me what is in it for India , in case of Bharti buying assets in Africa?
( I had no ideas why she was asking a same question asked by Member 2)
Me: Madam, It will bring new technology and tax revenue.
M3: Tell me something other than that.
Me: Sorry Madam. I can not think of any other benefits at the moment.
M3: You are from Kanchipuram. Tell me what kanchipuram famous for.
Me: It is famous for silk sarees and temples.
M3: What is the major crop in your district?
Me: It is paddy and sugarcane.
( Now she had finished with her questions. Chairman asked the last member to continue.)

Member 4: Looking at SSI it is doing very poorly. It can not survive amidst large industries. What is your view on that?
Me: Yes Sir. That is very much true. Government has taken many measures. It has passed a MSME development act. Now government has to take steps in skill development. Many people are unemployed in rural areas. They can be trained and employed in SSI.
M4: Take partnership firms. They are charged at a very high rate of 40%. But many big companies evade tax. ( Then he mentioned something which I could not understand. Later chairman said he is talking about Direct tax code. Are you aware of that? )
Me: Yes sir. I am aware of DTC. Government is trying to bring down tax rates . In case of companies it is planning to reduce tax rate to 25% from 30 %. I think it will benefit SSI also.
M4: Government is proposing tax agricultural income. What is your view on that?
Me: Sir, presently tax on agricultural income falls in the state list. Now government planning to introduce GST which is Goods and sales tax. GST would subsume many taxes. In such case it will become possible to bring tax on agricultural income under that.
( Then Chairman takes over.)

CM: Now one last question. Tell me five freedom fighters from U.P and Bihar. Other than two Nehrus.
( I was thinking very hard. Then chairman said oh! Come on there are so many freedom fighter from the two states)
Me: I am not able to get the right names. There are too many names coming to my mind.
(After some time,)
I said…. Sir, Rani Lakshmi Bai. ( Everybody laughed)
CM: Ok. That’s one. I thought you will say someone from modern era. Someone in 1920s.
Me: ( after another few seconds of thinking) Sir, Bhagat Singh. But I am not sure about it.
CM: Though he spent most of his time in U.P he is from Punjab. So I will not include him. Ok. There is one from U.P he went on to become the President of India.
Me: (after thinking hard) I’m sorry Sir . I am not able to get the name. ( Later Chairman said he is Rajendra Prasad.)
CM: Now tell me, where did Gandhiji start his first start his mass struggle in India. In India. Not South Africa.
Me: Sir, it is Gujrat.
CM: No it is Bihar. In Champaram district. Ok. Your interview is over. You can leave.

Then I thanked the chairman and others and left the room.

Lost and Found...

Well, I’m not sure if my creativity is at its peak nor I wonder if there is anything left in me. The reason being the four large shots of signature I had tonight are really reaching my head and stopping the flow of my words. But I bet I can beat that to death and express myself, though not in a much lucid way, of the sickening ordeal I had gone through to get to where I am today. In the last three years of my life I have been a helpless witness to the devastation caused by failure which I am not yet sure if its been really beyond my control. But one thing that offers me solace is the fact that there are people, here in the field of civil service exams, who have gone through pain much beyond one’s imagination. And do not judge me here. It is not that, I have no sympathies for them. It’s just that life has been real bitch to some. Only these thoughts that help me remain grounded to the realities of life despite the random happiness that fills my life.

Oh yeah., I have just found some joy, at this moment, which can evade me anytime like a flashing light. But I earnestly pray that it does not. For, I only believe that I have already been through my share of pain. I have found the long-waited-for joy right now by having able to get through the civil service main exams. Though, its not the end. I have to appear at the interview which is only another way of elimination of nearly two-third of the people who have been selected. Ok, now putting all those pessimistic premonitions behind I have nearly a month to look forward to spending the time, in a arduous fashion, for my interview. And it is only this new found joy that is going to keep me working.

Work….work….work….

Such a relief...

Sweat drenched my clothes
While I walked among the bunch of blokes
Prayed to god for the clouds of relief
He had a different plan or so was the belief

Days passed on with no change
While no relief in near range
People sulked and earth parched
Ponds dried and petals cried

Yet another day Sun beamed wrath
It went west as I walked on the path
Clouds turned grey all of a sudden
Soon became the earth moisture laden

An object of a curious case..

They say success taste a lot sweeter when you had trod through the bitterness of failure and stumbled upon the carpets of thorns. May be it does. But who cares. The feeling of success would last for say an hour or so or may be a week for some. What matters to me is the change in life that is going to follow. Its like suddenly you are placed at the crossroads. You are given the choice. Your life is no more the same like it was yesterday. And come to talk of it here in civil service preparation, that I am in to, its like suddenly you raised to the level of stardom. If you could place yourself in some decent rank every competitive magazines craving for lucrative chunk of their share in the business would flash your photos and interviews for the next few months. People talk about you and they’d remember you too during the stint of their preparation.

Well, I am looking forward to that change. And you want me to talk about my failure. They call it a curious case. It’s like I’ve passed through all the stages of exams and failed at all of them too. Things have gone in a backward fashion for me. Anyways, I lived this life that I am going through right now for miserably longer years. I guess you must have seen this popular T-shirt line “I was born intelligent but education ruined me”. That is a little different in my case. I’d say,” I was born healthy education ruined me”. I had done too much of sitting staring at voluminous books that my joints and all needs to be regularly exercised. And that’s what the doctor said.

You know you need a bit of luck if you want to get what you want. But I guess luck is a gift I am yet to receive. And to pep myself up, who knows may be its in transit. One question that my conscience is asking me right now is, “ Am I working towards success?”. If I had to answer here then I would say “Not all the time”. Especially after making a brief visit home for my sister’s marriage studies has marked a downward trend on the graph of my progress. The thought that I’m the next one, in fact the last one in our generation, to get married in the family should shake me up a little to work even harder. Anyways its pleasing to meet friends and to hear them say, without going in to what lies beneath, that their studies are slow too. But whatever, there are always people making it to the success list. Ultimately it is what that counts.

Well, I am just peeping out to see if success is just around the corner. Hmmm…looks like its caught in the traffic. Ha ha ha….

oops....just figured out that this is my 50th post....That goes for a toast....clinnnnkkkkkk.......

Nature and hope….

Sometimes I wonder if the four seasons of the nature symbolizes some kind of change in our life too. Each time there is a change in season I feel my life is being ushered in to a new phase. Though my routine may remain the same but my approach to it is definitely a lot different. No time could be better than now to talk about it. The City of Delhi is slowly creeping in to its days of bright sunshine ahead after having been a witness to mist laden plants, fog shrouded clouds and spine chilling cold. And it’s people are much relieved to get out of their woolens and happy to see the break of the day unlike those cold days when most of the people were huddled in their beds. The Park in the neighborhood, I guess, would be rejoiced to receive its once regular morning joggers and walkers who went missing for a brief time. Yeah, I am back in to my jogging shoes too. But some things haven’t changed. The sight of newspaper boys gathering up and splitting papers, School children accompanied by their mothers and a bunch of Punjabi-speaking old men with immense bon-homie amongst them at the teashop are clearly some of those unchanged things that has almost become my daily scene when I sip on the hot piping tea in the morning. It’s a great pleasure to sit and watch people beginning their day.

This end of winter has infused in me a sense of urgency reminding me to keep focused on the up coming preliminary exams in May. If there is one thing I liked about summer, despite the scorching heat, it is the energy it supplies that helps me to keep working. But winter, of course, has its own share of joy. Nature, as it may seem, brings with itself these symbolic changes of this sort to break the monotony in our life. I think it is only these changes that throw new challenges and promises that keeps us looking forward in life with a new found hope. I don’t know who said hope gives us strength. But I know that it is so right.

Beginning to End

Its been five months since I blogged. I can give umpteen reasons for my abstinence from this little space that belongs to me. One of them being my journey to success has been stretched a bit. And it is not that I have dispossessed the time that I should reasonably spend for things like blogging or taking a stroll across the street on a moonlit night or even a movie show. I just despised that thought of having to put down the misery of my failure. Yeah, I know that failure makes one stronger and makes one learn the lessons the harder way. But the raise from the fall is ain’t that easy. Its painful and its more than a struggle. One thing is sure the success is going to taste a lot sweeter than the sweetest thing I have ever known.

This journey has brought me to Delhi again, the place where I reached the threshold of success once. And I see lot of changes. The competition level in the exam has gone up and looks even fierce some just like the rental values here in Rajinder Nagar. The place which once had my favorite tea shop had to wind up for it couldn’t afford the daily rent. A single room which would give enough space for a cot, a table and for you to move about a little bit costs a rent of minimum five grands. I really wish if someone could take the pain of suing the House Owners here for charging such exorbitant rent.

But there are few things to cheer about. A few yards away from my room, across the shankar Road, lies another tea shop which really makes a tasty special chai. And not just that. There is a huge tree out there and under its shade I spend the few minutes of pleasant morning with a nice Chai to sip on. And there’s a park too where I go for my regular morning walk. But sad that most of the people who come there are old people fighting Arthritis and other old age related illnesses. It’s difficult for a person like me who had spent nearly the last twelve years of life in the company of lots of friends to sit in a lonesome room with no souls around to talk to. But the Library I have joined in Barakambha Road and some new friends I have made are a big relief.

Now this is just another beginning to end what I started. And I hope success is not so far.

Heart for Art...

If there is one thing I must credit my civil service mains exams, other than the prospect of success, it must be the way it has tried to broaden my horizon. But it’s a different issue as to how far I have been swayed by such positive influences. What else could one expect to go on in the mind when you have been just confined to one creepy room with books of all sizes. The temptation to day-dream is irresistible unless you are shaken by the fear of reappearing in the exam. Well, am just pointing out the strange thoughts and bizarre aspirations I used to get during those days. When I see a painting exhibition going on in the city my mind just wants to be there gazing at unfathomable modern art with a critic’s point of view. And when I see a dance performance scheduled that evening I wonder why I hadn’t become a dancer. Or at the least being present there myself. The thoughts go on, after all, it has no limits. Ain’t it??

Ironically, things changed after exams. I no longer seem to be interested in any other things. Except the movies I watched passionately. I tirelessly pursued this pleasure of watching pictures. But my interest in dance shows took rebirth when I incidentally met some of the dancers who had come to give their performance in Chennai. And moreover the Auditorium (Music Academy) was pretty close to my house. I know that the Music academy is of very high reputation and takes only the best performers. So I finally landed watching the show.

It was my first experience to watch contemporary dance. They say it’s a collection of system and methods from modern and post modern dances. This group of dancers, part of Attakkalari Centre for Movement Arts, consist of graceful and electrifying youngsters who are trained in various dance form from Bharatanatyam, Kuthchipudi, Tai Chi , Ballet to Kalarippayatu martial arts. They performed a theme called “Purushartha”, etched on an Indian philosophical concept, blended with Japanese digital and sonic arts.

Throughout the show the dancers looked vibrant and their movements were observed by each one in the audiences with such an awe. The theme tried to portray the dilemmas in life through dance movements and the digital lighting at the background. Honestly speaking, there was very little I could figure out from the performance. And after the end, during the discussion with the artistes few from the audiences had the courage to ask what exactly the theme was about. But the concept maker Jayachandran Palazhy dealt with it very subtly giving the freedom to audiences to perceive the way their mind desired. In my opinion, these form of art should not remain open only to the arm-chair analysts and reviewers but also should pull the first timers and people wedded to Bollywood and Kollywood ( Stands for tamil film industry).

Nonetheless, the dance was engaging and exhilarating.

Running to win...

There’s been one question that haunted me for a while since last few weeks. What has kept me away from my blog? I wouldn’t really say I was bereft of ideas. I always get one when I sit down to update my blog. This procrastination was in anticipation of one of the few good things I was expecting to happen. So I did not want to reel in a story of what it is and what it means to me. It is a contingency solely counting upon my performance , to assess which I did not have even a bit of courage. Well, for those who are losing patience, I am talking about my preliminary exams .UPSC has put me back on the race again. A race which I not only have to run but win it too, unlike last time.The race is fierce I know. So here I take off…
(I apologize to the regulars on my blog. I couldn’t find a better analogy to the civil service exams. Its always a race to me)

Vroom Vroom..Pom Pom...

Chennai, the good old Madras, is brimming with the same energy as I had seen two years back. And people on the roads of chennai are still the same flouting rules if no cops around. In fact they have even become worse. Tout the economy for almost touching a two digit growth and easy-available vehicle loans. Roads are blooming with vehicles and it is utter chaos all through the day, not just during the peak hours. Motorcyclists jostling for every little space they see to glide through before the traffic signal turn red. Corporate honchos at the steering honking restlessly to crawl in. And poor pedestrians woefully sidelined in this celebration or you might see one or two running as if their house is on fire.

No doubt chennai's traffic has reached its peak and its evident for all. I was happy, when i found a house for me to stay in with my mother, at a locality i had once lived. Its road, dubbed as Chief Minister's Road, for it housed the Party chief of both DMK and AIADMK, was know to have a smooth traffic except when CM's convoy sped through at 90 kmph. This stretch of road, hardly 2-3 kms, i need to take to reach my CA institute, takes 15 minutes which once used to take just ten minutes. And its a nightmare with seven traffic signals to pass through. Almost all of them turning red before I were to cross the stopline.( The only time most of the two wheelers ,including myself, wait with patience is when the policeman stops everyone for all the girls of Stella Maris College to cross over the road. But colleges have some fixed timings, you see.)

May be these are signs that confirm the UNPF (United Nations Population Fund) report which says that world's populations is steadily moving to cities and town. Did someone say I just did that? It also says that the demographic transition is set to cross milestone in 2008, where very second person on the planet will live in urban area. Looks like the craze to live in cities is not going to relent. And that means more number of vehicles. Its high time that Tamilnadu government starts thinking and improve its public transport system. What the metro needs is not just more number of buses but sophisticated Metro trains, only which can bring a sigh of relief to the road users of Chennai. And not to forget the immense good it will do against what everyone is talking as global warming.

Feeling at home....

I think this would be the first post that I write after a gap, as long as three weeks, ever since I started to blog with a resolution to update once in a week. But I do have an explanation. And there are many questions that need to be answered. Well, I wouldn’t say many questions. Its just one question that dangles here on my blog demanding a conclusive sequel to the story that I had passionately built here. What happened to my results? Did I come out successful at the end of my final lap?

I would be accused of being weak-at-heart if I keep it out of this place. So here I am finally breaking the news. The period of mourning is over. I had just walked through the trails of failure to the castle of success which is still out of sight. Why am I being so subtle? Alright, let me make it clear. The simple fact is that I could not make it to the final list. Marks weren’t big enough.

On the day of my result, mulling over my failure, the first thing that my mind sprang up to decide was to shift back to Chennai. But the spark came from my heart. I just thought I should go closer to the place I belong to and my parents who nurtured my dream of becoming a civil servant. I needed to feel stronger. And this decision I have come to still continues to haunt me. Delhi like we say America is land of opportunities is like a place where an IAS aspirant meets with opportunities to shed his weaknesses and harness his strength. Of course, the credit goes to its coaching institutes. I would be denied this. But I have kept the option to go back to Delhi open, at least not until I feel stronger to face what is more to come. But I think I would be able to overcome this with a good progress in my work. Go gugan, go!!

Now with the diastrous results I have come back to the place where I had started (yeah, had to take the prelims again). Literally too.

Looking back....

Anniversaries are part of our life. Birthdays, wedding anniversaries, business anniversaries and many other. Now here on my blog I’m going to celebrate the first anniversary of my entry in to this blogosphere. It’s a world filled with ideas and thoughts coming from people with different interest in variety of fields. I guess each one of us here would have a different perception in owning a blog. I am not really very sure what impelled me to start this blog of mine. But there are few things that I have gained and lost from this space.

Things I gained :

1. I became more conscious of the world outside and the things that happened around me. Not that I was desperate to post them here. But it gave a sense of fulfillment in life.
2. It kindled my thoughts and ideas provoking me to explore whatever creativity (please allow me to use this word) I have and got me playful with words. I even tried my hands on poem. (Wordsworth, to take note)
3. It give me a new identity ,not very much different from what I am already in real. But the fact is that I live here.
4. It got me new friends and I got myself exposed to new world of ideas and people with incredible prowess, which taught me humility without affecting the little pride I take from my contributions here.
5. It gave me a sense of belongingness in this blogosphere. Yes, I am part of this blogging revolution.
6. It got me more curious to the new technological developments. (But it’s the question of money, anyway)
7. I adopted a new hobby that was worth filling my civil service exams forms with. And it even formed part of my interview session and it helped my tread on path that I was at ease with.

Things I lost:

1. Doled out time and some money on surfing hoping to see some comments and new visitors to my blog. I have no regrets.
2. Accused of “self-advertisement”. But my argument is: aren’t blogs a form of online diary.
3. I guess there is not much I lost. So I’ll stop with this.

Anyways, thanks a lot for your gracious presence on the day of my blog-anniversary. Please do stay back for dinner :)

A day with UPSC....

In my post last I had discussed about the 13th of April, the day that was fixed for my interview. First, I was thinking if I should sit here in front of the computer and type the entire details about it. Then for the sake of record I decided to do that. Here’s the transcript. (please leave your comments)

I was put under Dr. Bhure Lal’s panel. And I was the third person to go in the group of 5 candidates. I was waiting for my turn outside when the second candidate was being interviewed. He was out and said the panel members were very cordial. He wished me best of luck and left. I asked the attendant for some water before I was to go in. As luck would have it, there was no water there and he had to go to fill the bottle. Meanwhile the door was opened for me by another attendant there. I did not wait for the water and delay the process that was to begin. So I entered the room with mouth almost run dry.
There was a lady member among the 5 panel members,including the chairman.
First I wished the lady member and then others.
I was asked to take the seat by the chairman.

Chairman (CM): hello! Guganesan. How are you??
Me: I am very fine, sir.
CM: (he looks at the form again) G ganesan (and just moved his body forward)
(I sensed here that he was in a good mood)
Me: ( I just smile at him) yes sir, Guganesan.
CM: So, you are a chartered Accountant.
Me: yes sir!!
CM :why do you want to come to civil service after CA?
Me: sir, I had decided to join civil service even before doing CA. In fact after clearing my CA I came for civil services preparation immediately.
CM: What is money laundering?
I explain that to him
CM: What is the link between terrorism and money laundering?
I tell him about how terrorism is funded ,about drug deal and all that.
CM : what are the three stages involved in money laundering???
I started explaining. There he stopped me and asked “ do u know the stages or not”
Me: No sir. This is all I know
Then he explained me the stages with its specific names (this was moreover close to what I said, except for the jargons he used)
CM: What are the duties of CA under prevention of money laundering Act?
Me: sir, I’m not aware of any provisions under the Act.
CM: oh, I though they’ll teach u all that in CA.
CM: how much is our Forex reserve?
Me: sir, its 199 billion dollars.
CM: ok, that’s fairly 200 billion dollars. Do you think we are secured?
Me: yes sir. It is said we have so much of reserve that it can fund 13 months of our imports.
CM : I don’t feel secured.
Me: (after giving serious thought) May I ask you why,sir.
(Both the chairman and the lady member bursted in to laughter )
CM: Yes. You have every right to ask me.
( He explained me the reason to which I almost agreed)
CM: How do you manipulate stock market?
I explained him about insider trading, one of the manipulative practices.
CM: why there’s so much of volatility in the stock market now?
I gave two reasons and explained them.1. hike in interest rate. 2. Appreciation of Japanese yen.
Then the chairman showed sign for the lady member to ask questions.

Member 2 (M2): Guganesan, explain over invoicing and under invoicing in foreign trade.
I explained her about that transfer pricing practices which related companies follow.
M2: ok. That relates to transfer pricing . Tell me in general. Suppose I’m an exporter in Tiruppur and you’re my client. I’m billing you at a price less that what it actually is.
I explained how it affects India and said the balance proceeds can be siphoned off to someother countries ( I guess she was looking for that word ‘siphon off’. After I said that she seemed more convinced)
M2: do you think India should accept foreign aid? I want your opinion on that.
Me: Yes Ma’am. I feel India should accept foreign aid. Although India is a developing country and sitting on huge forex reserve it needs so much of fund to finance our infrastructure needs.
M2: Ok. What is the legislation that regulates foreign aid.
Me: (think for a while) Ma’am ,its foreign contribution regulations Act.
M2: that’s. right. But do you think we need such kind of legislation. You know, NGO’s accept lots of foreign aid . do you think it needs to be regulated?
Me:Ma’am I’m not aware of the detailed provisions under the Act. But I know that NGO’s are under an obligation to file some kind of return with RBI after the receipt of the aid. I feel we should have these kind of regulations. B’coz some accountability is ensured on that part of NGO’s . It ensures that money is spent for the said purpose.
M2: But that’s between NGO and the foreign agency why should govt get involved.
Me: yes ma’am. Its true that its only between NGO and foreign agency .but NGO’s involve in social sector projects. So I think that it concern the government. So there is need for regulation.
M2: Ok.what are the preferences u’ve given?
Me: Ma’am I’ve given IAS as my first preference and IFS -2nd, 3rd-IPS and 4Th IRS.
M2: (she just smiled and nodded her head )ok, thank you. (she showed her hand to the third member) I just thanked her and looked in to the eyes of the third member.

M3: who are mafia?
I just gave an vague explanation.
M3: can we call phoolan Devi mafia?
Me: No sir. Mafia operate as network. They are widespread. Whereas Phoolan Devi just had a set of people.
M3: tell me who are the constituents of this Mafia.
Me; (I think for a while. Couldn’t really make out where the discussion is heading) sir, mafia would have set of musclemen.
M3: ok. They’re field staff. But what it takes to organize a crime?
Me: they need a proper plan before anytning is to be committed. And they collude with people on the other side.
M3: who are this people on the other side?
Me: sir, it’s the officials of the government.
M3: do you know chartered accountants play a major part in legalizing their money?
(here I realized why he started this discussion. So much of grudges against CAs, I thought)
Me: sir, there would be very few chartered accountants who are involved in such activities.
M3:Very few? (he looks at the papers in front of him) u’ve given reading as your hobby. What kind of books you read?
I answer that .(both fiction and non fiction)
M3: Have you read this book called “ Sacred game” by Vikram Chandra.?
Me: No sir, I haven’t read that.
M3: Read that book. It talks about how chartered accountants involve in legalizing the mafia’s money. They’re even called counselors.
Me: ok sir I’ll read that.
M3: what is the legislation that exclusively covers organized crime?
Me: no sir, I’m not aware of any specific legislation.
M3: ok. Blogging is your other hobby. On what kind of issues you write.
Me: sir, I have not restricted myself to any field. I write on anything that is interesting . It could be something interesting that happened in my life.
M4:like?
Me: once I wrote about the rag picker boy in my street. (I explained what I wrote in that post. The lady member seemed to be interested too although I dint make any eye contact with her)
M3: So you are interested in human behaviour?
Me: yes sir, u can say that.
M3:ok, now looking at the psyche of Indian people. Why there’s so much of adulteration in our country. Its not found much in other countries. Why only this subcontinent?u know, law allows some qty of stone in rice. There’s adulteration in drugs. Why is it so.
Me: sir, its because of the erosion of values among people in our country. India is a country where so many movies made every year. I think people pick such things from these movies.
M3: but adulteration has been there even before the movies came.
Me: yes sir. That’s true. But after movies these things increased in numbers.
M3: but where do we learn all this. Does historical books and religious books teach us?
Me: no sir. Our religious books and historical book don’t teach us these practices. I think its people’s desire to make easy money. They come out with new ideas and get involved in such things. I think its all about money, sir,
M3: suppose there’s a shop keeper who mixes stones in rice. One day his son falls sick. He buys medicine which is adulterated and his son dies. Do you think he’ll change.
Me: sir, it depends on the person. If he’s really learnt a lesson from this incident I think he’d change.
M3: I don’t think he’ll change.
(he thanked me and put me onto the 4th member)

M4: so you are from kancheepuram. What’s the name of the famous temple in your town.
Me: sir, its kamakshi amman temple.
M4: what is the name of the legendary who laid the statue there?
Me: I’m sorry sir. I’m not sure of the name.
M4: its adi shankara. How far is that temple from your house.
Me: sir, its 2-3 kms from my house.
M4: oh, so close and still u haven’t bothered to find out that. What is the relationship between culture and reading?
Me: sir , If one person had been unaware of his culture, he can know them by reading any books. That way one can come to know about one’s culture and get them imbibed in his life.
M4: what is culture?
Me: sir, culture is one’s way of life. One’s way of dressing, food habits. It covers these many things.
M4: why do we have so many myths in our life?
I explain him something.
M4:no,,no. u have not really understood what is myth. U know we celebrate diwali.someone killed someone.
Me: (having got the flash in mind)yes sir. We have these kind of festival in life. Although they are based on myths they bring our families together. We celebrate and stay happy. It even disciplines our lives.
M4: “churning milk out of sea” what do you interpret on this.
Me: (almost puzzled) its like getting the best out of something which is in abundance.
M4: how education has churned u?
ME: (having no clue how to address) sir, eduction has helped to meet people from different background. I have learnt to interact with them. And also I;ve been able to understand the values in their life and tried to take it if they are good.
M4: why filmstars are raised to the level of god in tamilnadu?
(M3 interrupts and says even temples have been built)
I explain something .
M4: that’s there’s everywhere. There’s one particular reason. What is it?
Me:no sir. I can’t think of any particular reason.
M4: ok, think on ur way back u;ll get it.
(he thanked me and passed onto the 5th person)

M5:I’ll just ask you few questions. (I was happy to hear tht)
How do you classify land?
Me: sir, agricultural land and non-agricultural land.
M5:ok. That’s one way of saying. U know , u can classify it as mainland and hinterland. (I uttered the word ‘hinterland “along with him, as he was very slowly talking)
And we have islands. Tell me the name of an island in Arabian sea.
Me: sir. Its lakshadweep.
M5: what is the total surface area?
Me:no sir, I’m not aware of that.
M5:ok, I thought since u were staying close to that place u might know that. Ok. Why British came to India, first?
Me: Sir, they came for trade.
M5: but there’s one incident that prompted them to rule India. What is it?
(Here this member was very vague in framing this question. Then the M3 explained it in a better way for me.)
Me(after serioulsly thinking) no sir, I have never come across any such incident.
M5: now I’ll give u a topic. I want you to deliberate on this and speak for and against. “All people who come for civil service preparation should not do that”
(I know it sounds confusing)
I spoke about why people want to come to civil service. Reasons like public service, improving the functions of govt. For against the topic I said there;’s so much o f corruption and abuse of power.Said “ civil service is even considered first resort of scoundrel “
(only after coming home I realized that what I spoke under :For” was actually “against” and vice versa. )
M5: do you really think people come for service?
Me: yes sir. There are many people who come for preparation with the public services in mind. In fact, I’m one such person myself.
(then M5 looked at the chairman. )
CM: guganesan, you interview is over . you can leave.

I thanked everyone and left the room. Wow. What a relief when I came out. Now I have to wait for the results. That could be anytime during the second week of May.

Here is another transcript of interview I had on 31st March,2010:
http://junkunlimited.blogspot.com/2010/04/yet-another-chance.html

13th Friday: Black or red

Now I have only few more days to pass before I go knocking at the doors of the interview panel at UPSC. It is on the 13th of this month. It falls on Friday. I have heard stories of 13th being an unlucky number. And even know that this number is most despised in western countries. There you’d see tall buildings which does not have 13th floor but 14th ,15th and so on. You won’t find a street that is numbered 13th. Those who do not believe in those superstitious stories would be dumping it as non-sense and say its just another number.

But to me its not so. No, I’m not afraid that my performance at the interview would be upset just because it falls on the 13th. In fact, the experience of preparing for this interview is quite bizarre. In all those written exams I have faced in life I had been under some stress. I have almost felt suffocated. But this is different. I feel the knowledge I have acquired over this few years is adequate enough to prove what I have in those 30 minutes of test. Yet, there is sense of incompleteness but without any pressure to finish them off. Strange it is ,indeed. Everyone here are telling me that it just takes a bit of attitude. Right one, of course.

Whatever it is. The 13th of April is a big day for me. Is it going to be a Black Friday or a red letter day in my life? The future holds the answer.

Final lap...

Finally the wait is over. No!!No!! Its not the ICC cricket world cup. That hardly interests me. This is about civil service(mains) exam results which just got declared this morning. Whatever little hope I had were shattered by the long wait that the results had put me through. Plus the speculation on the possible dates made me more restive.

Now let me get to that point. The results are out. And I am in for the interview. There’s whole one month for the preparation. Hope everything goes well till the final race…

Colours of Life

Winter of Delhi has come to an end. Its time to roll back your blankets and give your fleece, jackets , pullovers to your local dry cleaners and pack them back in the corners of your wardrobe. Now, the people of Delhi would be getting ready to welcome spring and to celebrate Holi with colours, symbolizing the victory of good over evil

This festival of Holi had some relationship with what is going to occur in my life in few weeks. Of course, there is room for skepticism. The question is: Would there be colours- of joy, excitement and satisfaction? Would the flowers of the plant, I sowed with the seeds of my hard work, bloom to life? Would it be, as my dad says, golden throne (I always don’t agree with his metaphor) or the same tattered chair that I sit on with my books?

Yes, those who had regularly followed my posts here(I guess there should be one or two) would know that the results to the civil service (Mains) Exam that I gave in Nov ’06, is just around the corner. Anytime between 9th and 12th of march. I know, I cannot boast of an outstanding performance in each one of the 7 papers (leaving out the language papers). But I earnestly believe and hope it was decent enough to skirt myself through to the next stage of the selection process- interview.

While my days lingered on, waiting for the results, I had indulged myself in profligate spending of time. And money too. I spent the entire month of December at home, as my books gathered dust here. Thanks mom, I weigh 5 kgs extra now. (2 months of tasteless food,back here in delhi, hasn’t really helped my to lose them.). Luckily, the course I had joined with British Council brought me back to Delhi. But my miseries did not end there. Dhoom 2, Guru, Parzania, Trafic signal, rocky Balbao. There goes 5*130 down the drain. And don’t ask me about the off season sale here. I almost a burnt a hole in my pocket, though I din’t shop much. It was only my friend Sudheer, whom I had accompanied, who was on the inexorable shopping spree.

But there was one thing that gave me solace. I was sincere in reading my daily newspaper, The Hindu, which is like oxygen to IAS-aspirants. And it did not help much as I had scored meagerly low in the mock test I had taken, putting to end whatever fulfillment I had in life. ( To be on the safer side or to be prepared for the worst, I need to spruce up for the next round of preliminary exams) My institute director, whom I consider as my mentor, reprimanded me. It was clear to me that he was disillusioned with my performance and my lethargic approach. I felt ashamed and hated myself. But there he was again convincing me that all is not lost, there is still hope and wished me good luck for the results. I walked out of his suite with a clear agenda in mind, at least, until my results.

To many, I know, this would sound like a confession of a man stung by guilt. You are righteously entitled to consider so. And now I have something to look forward to in life like every man who has walked out of the confession box. While people of Delhi prepare themselves with colours for Holi I would be waiting for the new colours to paint my life with joy and jubilation. Happy Holi, to all those.

Directionless...

I see that I am caught in the clouds of darkness
Like a ship on the high seas of storm;
But not I have a choice of SOS
Still take a flight I must
Though directionless...

I see that I am stranded in the circles of haze
Like a tourist uphill on a foggy winter;
But not I have a comfort of tavern
Still glide through I must
Though directionless..

I see that I am sweltered in the complex of heat
Like a traveller on the sands of desert;
But not I have a coziness of oasis
Still stroll steady I must
Though directionless..

Poised for new beginning...

Two bags full of books are what I carried when I came home. But nothing has been touched. I knew this would happen. And it’s always been like this. Whom shall I blame? Is it the comfort of home that has made me a spoilt brat? Or is it those electronic gadgets that open up a new world to me? Or is it the stretched hours of work that I had once put in, demand this lethargy that I have indulged in? I guess all this should take equal share of my bickering.

I don’t know what life holds for me, at least for the next few months. Yes, fear of my results is just driving me paranoid. Don’t you think four months is too long a time for a student to wait for the results? In these four months I am expected to do so many things to get what I want. Well, they are not impossible, though.

And for the moment, I want to keep all those things aside. I have been wanting to come back home and do all this after my exams. Now, that I am here. Doing what I love to do.

First four days of my stay were spent in the company of my two best friends. We went to all the places we used to go when we were together once. Malls, food joints, terrace in my friend’s ten storied apartments and not to forget the bike and barrel, one of the popular hang-outs in Chennai. And this time there was no movie. There wasn’t any good movie, incidentally. But we did go to a new place this time. Savukku Thoppu (Bamboo forest),near Muttukadu, for those who know this place. 45 kms drive along the ECR road, from Chennai. It’s a place ideal for a runaway couple for a handsome romance, they say. Tragically, it was just me and my two other friends. The place was resonating with the roaring noise of the waves from the beach. It was my friend, who is an asst director with Gautam menon, tossed this idea to come to this place. And he wanted to discuss his storyline that he has conceived for his debut movie. It ended up in dancing and singing with bonfire to run around.

And back home. I spent the time with my parents. Relishing on my mom's special recipes and listening to my dad's new take on life and the good old things he always reminisced .And to keep myself amused, I had bought handful of DVDs of my favorite movies. Dil chahta hai, Bend it like Beckham, Monsoon wedding, Cast Away, Kannathil Muthamittal and many other. All I had to do was to just sit back and watch them all.

Finally, I spent two great days with my niece and nephew who is just one and half year old. You see their pictures up there? In fact, it was the fourth time I’m meeting my nephew, ever since he was born, after a six long months. I was worrying if he would recognize me and call me “mama”. But to my surprise he did. Though, it took few minutes for him to realize. I spent good deal of time with him playing around. And my niece was busy with her exams. Too much of work for a 1^st standard kid.

Now that my visit to home feels complete. But still there are few more weeks left for me to go back. There is a temple to visit on the agenda and there is one more reason to go partying again. It’s the time for New Year’s celebration.

And parties apart.

God, may this new year bring luck, end all my miseries and give me a new beginning in life.

End of Marathon race

Its been three days since the exams got over. But still I haven’t been able to get rid of the hangover of those exam days. Not able to sleep before 1 and get woken up at 6 as if to check my clock's punctuality. But there is one solace that would douse this sulkiness. It’s the freedom, in terms of time, to watch movies with no strictures of any kind. In fact, the first priority on my “Thing to do” list, after exams, is movie. And I don’t think I would get enough of them. I’m not a movie buff, though. But it’s the long run that has sapped my energy to go in for unlimited fun. And movie is just one way of having fun.

God, I don’t know what my other fellow- IAS aspirants would have been through during this last three months. And I’m talking about only the days of indigence that began after the prelims results. But I’d actuate this whole cycle of process to a marathon race. You just keep running. Slow and steady or fast and furious. But run you must. It starts with classes for almost 10 months. And then you sit at home for one month slogging for the prelims exams. oh no, I don’t want to say any further and tire you down. But I must tell you I know the real meaning of perseverance now. This exams test all those qualities that those self help books preach- patience, tolerance, determination, endurance, et al. It simply makes you strong from within but only if you could resist the negativities. And, in my opinion, success comes just next to this.

As if this was not enough, friends stopped visiting my room, there were no calls. After all, they thought they were doing me a favour. And I dint keep any “ do not disturb” sign board nor my phone was out of service. But that’s 0k. I would take this as another test in the grand scheme of things.

And now its time for self introspection and time to look behind the path that I have walked on. They say mistakes are not sin but not correcting them is. Now all i need to do is scan down my errors and program them in shape. But for some days to follow its just fun. No studies.

I’m just happy that the marathon race has ended. But I know this is just one phase and there is a new beginning to make.